The Halloween NothingPumpkin

LETA

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Set to be released on the 31st of October, the much-anticipated government UFO report is now delayed while it is bureaucratically managed and sanitized in the halls of power before being presented to the public.

Earlier today, several media outlets announced they managed to get a glimpse of the information said to be contained in what is now one of the most important reports on unidentified aerial phenomena to date.

According to various sources, government agencies tasked with investigating UFOs have explained away the mystery surrounding most of the UFOs observed loitering in and around military training areas as nothing more than airborne trash and foreign aerial vehicles conducting alleged surveillance activities.

The remaining portion of UFOs yet to be identified continue to be a cause for concern, but are not assigned any exotic origin or given any preeminence over their prosaic counterparts. While the Pentagon is careful not to antagonize or show bias one way or the other, it is quite clear they are trying their darnedest to make this whole UAP thing "go away," critics say.