H
Horsa
Guest
I agree.Ok, so here we go.
The point is that, referring to my earlier posts,
Life doesn't have to be that way.
But you need to have a clear-eyed vision of what does usually happen.
As the Fleetwood Mac song says, 'You can go your own way'.
But you have to start early. Back in your teens you have to look around and observe what is happening to the people around you. The couples.
Are they happy know ? have they been together long ? Has either one had to change their way of life because of the marriage ?
How many are already divorced ?
Why did they break up ?
By change their way of life I mean things like' was he down the pub every night and going to football matches with his mates every weekend ? Did he like to go and spend hours by a river fishing. Were his pursuits generally solitary ?
Same for the girl. Was she independent ? or always at her mums house (if she had her own flat). Did she like to go night clubbing. Or maybe she liked to go jogging, maybe even mountain climbing.
Do they share the interests, or has one or both had to give up what they liked to maintain marital harmony ?
Does she miss these things ?
Do they look like they will last, or does a divorce look imminent ?
And if that happens, how will the situation resolve itself with regards to their futures ?
And, if you do this when you are young, you may see that the benefits of being married can be attained without tying yourself to someone else for life.
You can do your own cooking, or eat out.
Sex is obtainable these days from willing parties without the stigma that used to be attached to 'one night stands'. And there are always what are euphemistically called (F*** Buddies). People who meet up for a night's pleasure every now and then, no strings attached.
No friends ? Maybe a nice working girl .
Laundry ? do your own.
Women have the same options these days. But they probably have to be more discerning than men.
You see, the problem with the traditional relationship is that when it crashes, and most do (in fact eight out of ten of the couples I know are divorced) everyone gets burned. It is a catastrophe.
But one can avoid it.
Just go your own way.
There is also an intelligence aspect. The clever, thoughtful people are the ones who will see all this anyway. They will consider what 'treasure' they are about to invest, and wonder if it is really worth it.
It is the folk lower down. The average Joe and Jane who meet up, get married, have kids, then realise that they really have nothing more to share. But now it's too late. The have to stick together as they both have too much to lose if they part.
And 20/20 hindsight is of no value whatsoever.
I don't think about the 3 letter S word. I had a boyfriend once who tried to get too intimate too soon. My cousin introduced us. He didn't want to have conversation or fun. I didn't want a sing-song either. He embarrassed me in front of my parents by undoing my wrap-over skirt so gently I couldn't feel it until it started unravelling so I told him to get out. I haven't had a boyfriend since. I know what I'm looking for in a man & I'm quite picky.